Conflicting Religions
by DaniZaraki
Summary: Hidan gets a taste of some religion from Alice's world. How does it play out? Two OC warning, there is no religion bashing I promise. T for language.


_A few OCs, though there really is only two that matter. Don't read it if you don't want to. No one is making you.  
><em>

_This is a oneshot and a birthday present for Kathryn's little sister Kristine._

_She reads my stories religiously._

_I don't own the Akatsuki and I want everyone to know that I mean no disrespect towards any religion no matter what it may be._

_Believe what you want to believe and I respect anyone who does/does not have a faith system. I do not have any specific religion so I am completely unbiased and I hold no ill will towards any religion._

_Enjoy~_

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><p>Ah semester exams.<p>

Do you know why I hate them?

Because they require me to stay at school almost all damn day so I can take them.

And that means leaving ten murderers at my house without supervision.

And did I mention these murderers have a habit of creeping on Kathryn and I while we're at school now? Either they're being over protective or they're just plain bored.

I bet it's the latter.

It is not cool to just be sitting in class and see Kisame smack his face up against the window just to see you react. Mr. Nau stared at me and Kathryn for a good ten minutes because she was laughing her ass off and I was swearing at the window. Needless to say, no one other than Kathryn talked to me that day out of terror.

Also, it is not cool to have Hidan randomly come barging into the room and jump out the fucking window while you're in psychology. I swear to Jashin that Mr. Lyons about shit his pants considering Hidan was screaming the entire time from the second he kicked down the door to the minute he jumped out of the class, _through the window_, and out of sight.

It's not fun when Deidara fucking sends Kathryn little love letters with his birds because she spends the next hour squealing happily. I had a migraine for the rest of the damn day.

I wanted to slaughter Sasori when he fucking used his puppet jutsu on me and made me do the Macarena in the middle of a lecture in English. Fuck that damn puppet and his jutsu. Itachi just watched calmly, occasionally helping me injure them with Kakuzu.

Anyways, I was walking to the exit from my English class that, for some reason, had its exams the last fucking period of the day. Kathryn was walking beside me, trying and failing, to balance her books on her head.

I sighed.

"You're an idiot, I hope you know that." I stated.

She pouted and ceased her actions. "Meany butt. You've been pissy ever since Hidan forced you onto that escalator yesterday."

I shuddered.

Curse you, you damned escalator.

"Fuck off." I growled. I turned my glare to a freshman who was walking past me. He whimpered and quickened his pace. He probably saw me/heard about me kicking the shit out of one of his fellow idiots back before school started. I hate freshman at this school. I hated myself when I was a freshman too.

That asshole deserved it though.

Fucker was hitting on Kathryn.

Back to life.

Kathryn giggled at me before shaking her head and looking up at the sound of someone calling our names. "Oh hey, here comes Erika."

I looked around to raise my eyebrow at her. "Sup Erika."

She smiled at me. "Hey Alice, are you coming tonight?"

I frowned, totally confused. "What?"

"You know, for my birthday." Erika stated. "Like you do every year."

"Oh yeah." I nodded as my brain kicked into gear. "Have I ever missed?"

She shook her head. "Nope." She turned to Kathryn. "Wanna come?"

"Where are we going?" Kathryn wondered.

I glanced at her. "Every year for Erika's birthday I go to her church with her. You know I'm not religious or anything though. I mainly just go for a laugh and to be with Erika." I shrugged. "You can come if you want. If not, you're babysitting."

"I wanna come." Kathryn said brightly. "What church do you go to?"

"I actually go to the same one your stepdad goes to." Erika said with a laugh. "I never saw you there though."

Kathryn gawked. "So my mom and sister will be there?"

"Possibly." Erika shrugged.

"Well, you haven't seen your mom in a while. It'll be good to see her." I encouraged. I looked at Erika. "I can't stay too long though. I have all of my 'cats' at home." And with that I began walking in the direction of my car.

She smiled, following me and Kathryn out of the building. "Bring them with you."

"Yes. Hidan with a bunch of Jehovah's Witnesses. That will be good." I scoffed.

Kathryn grinned. "Let's do it. We'll stay in the back room."

I smacked my forehead. "No fucking way. He'll kill everyone."

"Please!" Kathryn pouted, bouncing as she walked with me. She then proceeded to repeat please in a very begging, desperate sort of way that just made me want to punch a baby.

"Please what, un?" A voice said from behind her.

I glared. "Get out of here Deidara."

He stuck his tongue out at me and hugged Kathryn from behind. "You're cranky yeah."

Kathryn squealed and hugged him, getting stares from everyone around us. I just sighed before sending threatening glares out at all of them. "The fuck are you guys looking at? Do you want some of this? Because I'm not in the mood." Everyone quickly hurried away.

"So violent, un." Deidara snickered.

"I am also curious as to what you were talking about." Itachi's sexy voice said from beside me. He grabbed my hand before dipping his head politely at Erika. "Erika, it's nice to see you again."

She smiled at him. "Hey."

I glanced at Itachi. "It's better that you don't know."

"Don't make me get the Kisame pout." Kathryn threatened.

"You wouldn't dare." I frowned.

"Oh I would." Kathryn grinned. "Where is he anyways?"

"On the roof, un." Deidara explained, kissing the side of her head.

"How many of you are here?" I asked.

"Everyone except for Pein, Konan, and Tobi is here, un." Deidara explained.

I raised my eyebrow. "Zetsu?"

"He's been exploring the area since you left this morning." Itachi informed me. "He does it often. He isn't always with our leaders."

"As long as he doesn't eat anyone, I'm okay." I sighed. I looked at Erika. "Kathryn and I will be there. I'll see you tonight Erika. It starts at 6 right?"

She nodded. "Yep."

"Alright, check you later." I said dismissively. Exams and people put me in a very bad mood. "The rest of you fuckers, go home or get to the car." I snarled, knowing they could hear me.

I heard laughing from above me and Deidara chuckled as he walked with Kathryn, Itachi, and I to my Hummer. Once I was beyond the school building, I was joined by four other males.

"So what were you talking about?" Kisame asked, putting his hand on the top of my head. He always does this to prove how tall he is.

I looked up at him. "Nothing at all."

"It didn't sound like nothing." Sasori pressed.

"Don't worry about it." I retorted.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "Shall I ask Kathryn then?" When I narrowed my eyes at him he smirked evilly and quickened his pace to catch up to his brats. He elbowed Kathryn gently to gain her attention and whispered into her ear.

I saw her look back at me, shrug and then whisper something back at him. I sighed, knowing she would tell Sasori anything. That idiot.

"So you're going to church?" Sasori asked, walking backwards to confront me. "And you're taking my brat with you?"

I raised my eyebrow. "One: She's mine. And two: So what if I am? What's it to you?"

Hidan was suddenly in the picture. "Where the fuck are you going you damned bitch? You're going to some heathen church to worship some false god? JASHIN-SAMA IS THE ONLY FUCKING GOD!"

"Lower your voice before I rearrange your vocal cords with my bare hands." I snarled. "And I am not going to worship anyone. I'm only going as a birthday present for my friend. So bite me you asshole."

"Okay." He grinned, coming towards me.

"Kisame." I yelped, hiding behind him and Itachi. Kisame glared at Hidan and the Jashinist recoiled. I unlocked the Hummer with the clicker and got inside quickly. The others copied me and soon we were on the way home.

"I want to fucking go." Hidan stated as I led the guys and Kathryn into the condo.

"No." I repeated.

"I'm going to fucking kill everyone there." He continued as if I hadn't just replied with a negative. "Those heathen bastards will regret the day they ever chose someone other than the almighty Jashin-sama!"

I sighed and shook my head, tossing my keys into the kitchen. "You're not going, Hidan. Fucking crazy bastard…"

"Like hell I'm not!" Hidan shouted.

"What is he yelling about?" Konan wondered, emerging from the bathroom.

I looked at her. "I'm going to my friend's church with her for her birthday because I have since we were like 10 and now he's pissing a fit because I'm not letting him go to kill everyone."

"What is this church?" Pein questioned, suddenly behind me.

"It's a church of Jehovah's witnesses. Jehovah is the 'God' for many people in our world. I'm not religious, but Jashin and you are my gods." I said with a smirk. He nodded in appreciation.

"I'm curious about the God of this world." Pein stated.

"Please don't tell me you want to go to…" I muttered.

"PARTY!" Kathryn cheered, throwing her hands into the air. "Come on Alice, it'll be fun. Pein-sama won't let Hidan kill anyone. They'll behave. It'll be awesome!"

I stared at her for a time before sighing. "Fine. You all can go." I looked at the plant man that was coming out of my carpet. "You can come too, but you have to try and remain hidden please. I know you're good at stuff like that."

"Yay! Dress clothes!" Kathryn cheered. "MALL! MALL!"

I glared. "I fucking hate you."

Itachi chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "Relax Alice, it'll be alright."

"Somehow I doubt that." I muttered.

And so Kathryn and I loaded the troops into the Hummer and we traveled to the mall to gather some dress clothes for the idiots. They have decent tastes, though I think Kathryn should be credited. She helped everyone but Konan pick stuff out. I don't have an eye for this stuff.

Pein got an all black outfit and an orange tie, just for laughs. He's such a ginger.

Those church goers were going to love his piercings.

Konan got a (surprise) blue and white dress that she looked absolutely adorable in. I'm not girly at all, but she was cute. Konan is cute in general. She was coming mainly for Pein and out of curiosity.

I think she wanted an excuse to dress up.

Itachi got black pants and a red shirt with a black tie. He looked 100% rapeable and it took every ounce of my being to not take him in the middle of the mall.

That will have to wait until later.

Deidara chose a white shirt and a blue tie that matched his eyes. Sasori and I had to pry Kathryn off of him because she was dead set on raping him in the middle of the store.

Yeah, everyone stared at us…

Sasori picked a black shirt and a red tie, going for the Akatsuki colors. He just kind of grabbed something and threw it at Kathryn. She tried to put him in something else, but he wouldn't hear it.

He's such a man.

Hidan of course picked a red shirt which he left open all the way and black pants. I managed to get him to wear a black muscle shirt under the red shirt.

Thank you Pein and your threats!

Kakuzu just picked all black. He grabbed the cheapest thing on the rack and threw it at Kathryn and me.

I laughed at his ICness.

Tobi picked an orange shirt and a tie with candy on it. It didn't match at all, but hey, what can you do?

It was all colorful and stuff too.

Kisame picked a blue shirt and a black tie. We had to get the biggest one in the store to fit him, but when he was wearing it, he looked very attractive. I might have to rape the shark along with the weasel.

Threesome!

Zetsu just wore whatever he wanted since he was going to be hidden the entire time. I wore just my clothes from my house. I had a few nice shirts from some previous occasions that still fit so I just wore those. Kathryn wore a rather revealing black skirt with an equally risqué silver top.

I got a discount of half off because Kakuzu scared the shit out of the lady ringing up our clothes when he saw the cost. So yeah, I'll probably be taking him shopping with me for the rest of my life.

I also feel like I should mention that the reason I was rang-up so quickly was because Hidan had to be knocked unconscious when he tried to fight some old lady for running into him with her handicap scooter. He was lying over Kakuzu's shoulder when we walked up to the counter and people ran from us.

When he woke up, he almost caused two wrecks because of his shouting until Pein punched him in the mouth to shut him up.

We were so getting kicked out of this church.

"So, once I park you are all to stay with me. I don't want you running off anywhere." I ordered. "Hidan, you are to stay by my side the entire time. We'll be sitting in the back room away from the other people. It's where parents usually go with their kids so the crying doesn't interrupt anything."

Kathryn giggled. "This is going to be so much fun."

"Hidan you are sitting between me and Kakuzu. He'll make sure you keep in line. The rest of you may sit where you want, but you will not leave that room unless you have my permission. Or Pein's because he's the leader." I continued, pulling into the spot I was being directed to. I saw Pein smirk knowingly at his authority and my recognition of it.

Such a simple man. Driven by a quest for power…

I think it's a running theme with ninjas.

Kathryn pointed. "Mommy!"

"What, un?" Deidara asked, noticing she wasn't pointing at me.

Kathryn was already out of the car, sprinting towards a really tall woman that looked identical to her and her younger sister Kristine. "Mommy!"

"Oh yes, I forgot to tell you that Kathryn's family will be here." I added. "So be fucking good or I'll kill you. No smacking her Sasori."

He rolled his eyes. "No promises." I smirked and shut off the parked Hummer before I got out of the vehicle with my cats. I led them over to where Kathryn was, mugging the shit out of her mother and sister. Her stepdad and brothers were forgotten in her excitement.

"Hey mom, hey Eric." I said as I approached them.

"Oh hi Alice." Kathryn's mom said. Out of laziness I'm calling her Mom. Plus I do anyways. "Is it Erika's birthday?"

I nodded. "Yep." I smirked at Matt who was paling at the sight of the guys again. "Hey Matt."

He looked at me. "Hi."

"Mommy!" Kathryn cheered. "I want you to meet Deidara!" She grabbed her mother's hand and dragged her tall ass to Deidara. Deidara stood there awkwardly as Kathryn glomped him and announced her love for him to her mother.

The rest of us were laughing at him. Sasori and I were enjoying it so much.

"Nice to meet you, un." Deidara said awkwardly.

Mom smiled at him. "Kathryn talks about you all the time over the phone. It's nice to meet you Deidara. I'm Loraine."

"You can all her mom." I added. "That's what I do."

Eric, Kathryn's stepdad, looked over the others. "Who are all of these people, Alice?"

"My friends." I stated. "AKA, my idiots."

I received a smack from Sasori.

"Ouch you fucking asshole puppet!" I barked. "Don't hit me you shit or I'll fucking sacrifice your ass to Jashin!"

A few church goers gasped at my loud obscenities so I just flipped them off. Hidan patted my shoulder with an approving chuckle.

"This is Danna." Kathryn added, grabbing Sasori's hand and pulling him closer.

Sasori offered his hand to Mom. "My name is actually Sasori." She accepted the gesture, shaking his puppet hand. I seriously wonder if she noticed.

"He's so cute." Kathryn giggled.

"Yes, and we should hurry up and get in there so we can get the back room. Before a certain someone decides to pull a Jashinist and try to please his God." I sighed. "It was nice seeing you Mom, Eric." I looked at Kathryn. "You can socialize, but I'm taking the others."

"Okay." She shrugged, hugging her sister.

I rolled my eyes at her and grabbed Itachi's hand. I pulled him and led the others into the building and immediately into one of the back rooms. Erika was already in there. She had reserved the entire thing for us.

Thank Jashin.

I would hate to see what would have become of the church and its attendants if Hidan wasn't contained.

"Thanks for coming Alice." Erika said, hugging me.

"Don't mention it." I sighed. "Save the thanks for afterwards because we might get kicked out. I have a feeling I'm going to have kill Hidan before this is all said and done."

"Fuck you bitch." Hidan barked from the seat Kakuzu had shoved him in.

I glared. "Keep the cussing to a minimum you shit."

Sasori chuckled as he sat beside Kakuzu. Deidara took up one of the last two seats in the row thing, leaving Kathryn a seat between him and Sasori. "Practice what you preach, Alice."

"Bite me Sasori." I growled.

Itachi kissed my head before sitting one seat away from Hidan to allow me to sit next to him. Pein took a seat across from me on the other side of the giant table in the middle of the room. Kisame took our end seat and Konan sat next to Pein.

The cool thing about this room is that it's set up like a living room so people can have deep discussions and shit. It works out well for us because I have a feeling none of us are going to be listening. Except Pein, but that's just because he's curious.

Tobi sat across from Kathryn's seat and lounged across three other seats, putting his feet dangerously close to Konan. She eyed them as if daring them to touch her. That left just two empty seats on their couch thingy. There were three chairs facing the windows leading out into the main room.

It was nice.

"I like this room." Kisame said appreciatively, looking around.

"Yeah, it serves a purpose for this." I sighed. "Sorry I can't sit with you Erika."

"It's alright. I have to be in the choir so I couldn't sit with you anyways." She shrugged. "I think Kathryn is bringing her younger sister though…"

I looked towards the door to see Kathryn tugging along Kristine. Her parents and stepbrothers were heading into the main room, pausing only to wave at me. I waved back until they disappeared.

"Hi guys." Kristine said cheerfully.

"I love that little brat!" Hidan said pointing at Kristine.

I shook my head. "That poor child."

Pein raised his eyebrow. "You know her, Hidan?"

"When these bitches took us to that place with the pool, we stopped at Kathryn's and met the kid. And we fucked with her stepbrother." Hidan explained.

"He's still scarred from that." Kristine giggled. "It was funny."

"She's evil." Kisame whispered, elbowing Itachi.

He just rolled his eyes at his partner and remained silent.

"Mom said your boyfriend was cute, Kat." Kristine added, following Kathryn.

Kathryn grinned and shoved Kristine into a seat between Tobi and Konan. "Of course he is." Kathryn jumped to Deidara the second she was free of her sibling. "He's freaking gorgeous."

Deidara chuckled. "Thanks, un."

Erika watched us for a moment before laughing and leaving the room, shaking her head.

I raised my eyebrow at her but shrugged as I sat in between Itachi and Hidan. "Tobi, meet Kristine. Kristine that's Tobi. Be nice to him or I'll hurt you."

She cowered comically under my playful glare and nodded. "I will."

I smiled. "Good girl." Tobi cheered happily and hugged her, both making her day and scaring the shit out of her.

Konan looked between Kathryn and Kristine. "You two look identical."

"Their mother had an uncanny resemblance to them as well." Pein agreed.

Kathryn just shrugged. "What can I say? I have good genes."

"You're not wearing jeans." Kristine corrected.

Sasori stared at her. Infuriated horror that was only caused by idiocy was evident in his expression. "I want to kill it."

"Sasori, bad!" I laughed. "Don't hurt the child."

He shook his head and looked at me. "I can already see it being worse than you when you're on painkillers."

I laughed again. "She's just a kid Sasori."

"That's no excuse." He urged in a whisper. Kakuzu sat between us, shaking his head with a sigh. Hidan, meanwhile, was looking around at all of the people, muttering under his breath about how all of them were going to die.

"HELLO!" A cheerfully deep voice called from the doorway.

All of our heads snapped to the doorway to see a rather beefy black man in a suit beaming at us. "I understand you're Erika's friends! I recognize you, Ms. Alice!"

I cringed. "Oh Jashin almighty help me."

Hidan was _glaring_ with the intensity of 1000 suns.

"It sure is a pleasure to have all of you!" He announced. He marched into the room and pushed his hand into Kisame's face, asking for a handshake. Kisame stared at it for a minute, obviously deciding whether or not to bite it.

I kind of wished he would…

Itachi elbowed him and Kisame reluctantly shook the man's hand.

"I am Joe!" He said cheerfully. "And you are?"

"Kisame." Kisame said dully. He did not like this man. That much was obvious.

I turned to Hidan. "Shake his hand and if you hurt him I swear to Jashin you won't have a penis as soon as we leave this room." He nodded, taking my glare seriously.

Joe moved on to Itachi. Itachi politely shook the man's hand. "Itachi."

"Pleasure to meet you Itachi." Joe exclaimed. Itachi just stared at him.

I reached out to shake Joe's hand but was jerked from my seat by the man and pulled into a hug. I winced seeing as he pulled my bad arm, tearing my shoulder out of socket. I locked my jaw and allowed him to hug me, not trusting myself to respond verbally.

"Thank you for coming Alice!" He cried. "I wish we could see you more than once a year! But alas, you are not a Witness."

I shook my head as he released me. "Nope." I hissed through my teeth.

Joe stuck his hand out for Hidan once I sat. Hidan glared, shaking the man's hand.

"And your name?" Joe wondered.

"Hidan. I'm a Jashinist." He informed him.

Joe looked confused. "And what religion is that?"

"Do not answer." I snapped, looking at Hidan.

He grunted under my stare and crossed his arms.

"I'm curious dear Hidan, tell me." Joe said, waving away my warning.

Hidan grinned at me before looking at Joe. "My religion believes in human sacrifices to please our god Jashin-sama."

Joe looked confused. He chuckled, obviously thinking it was a joke. "Well son, you're in for a real treat tonight. We'll be teaching you all about a _real_ religion."

I saw the murderous intent in Hidan's eyes and put my hand over his mouth and essentially pinned him to the seat with my body. I looked at Joe when he appeared shocked at the… suggestive position. "Sorry Joe, he has Tourette's syndrome."

I could hear Hidan yelling behind my hand. I waited until Joe moved onto Kakuzu before growling in Hidan's ear. "Do you want to die Hidan? Calm the fuck down."

He growled under my hand and visibly relaxed after undertaking a glare from Itachi and Pein. I sighed and released him, sitting back in my seat to nurse my jarred shoulder. Itachi curled his arm around my shoulders gently and kissed my cheek.

"Nice to meet you Kakuzu." Joe stated. "And if I may ask, are those tattoos?"

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"The stitch markings on your body." Joe clarified.

"No, they're real." Kakuzu answered boredly.

Joe looked shocked. "You poor child. We will pray for your recovery!"

Kakuzu looked disturbed. "Uh, thanks?"

I snorted and shook my head at him when he set me a glance, begging for help.

"And you are?" Joe wondered, shaking Sasori's hand.

"I am Sasori." Sasori said dully.

"Pleasure, pleasure." Joe nodded. "And you look awfully familiar too young lady."

"My mom comes here." Kathryn smiled. "Loraine."

"Oh yes!" Joe cried in joy, throwing his hands into the air. Sasori and I exchanged a look. Both of us clearly wanting to slaughter him. Though… when I looked around at the other members they looked rather murderous too. Except Tobi. He still resembled a Lollipop.

I hate this guy.

He's too enthusiastic.

It's either fake, or he is the human embodiment of a social butterfly.

And I hate social people and butterflies.

Joe grabbed Kathryn's hand and bent towards her. "Are you a believer my sister?"

"No." Kathryn said with a shrug. "My God is Pein-sama. He is the true, rightful ruler. He knows true pain and his piercings of awesomeness just make him a badass."

Pein chuckled, as did a few of the rest of us. The only one who didn't was Hidan who was glaring at her for not saying Jashin.

"Shut up Hidan." Kakuzu growled.

"I didn't even say anything!" Said Jashinist protested.

"You didn't need to." Kakuzu and I said together. Hidan pouted but said nothing.

Joe moved to Deidara after raising an eyebrow at Kathryn. "And your name Miss?"

I burst out laughing, burying my face into Itachi's chest. The others started cracking up except for Pein, Kakuzu, and Itachi who are the definition of stoic. Deidara glared daggers at the guy. Kathryn was gawking between them.

"I'm a man, un." Deidara said coldly in a voice that was clearly male.

"Oh I am so sorry!" Joe gasped. "It's just, with your long hair and delicate complexion you seem more feminine."

"I'm Deidara." Deidara snarled. "Move along Joe, un." He turned his glared to Sasori. "Shut up Danna yeah!"

Sasori just started chuckling harder. "That was priceless. Your face!"

Kathryn pouted. "Leave Dei alone Danna." She hugged Deidara. "It's okay Deidara, I know you're a sexy man."

Joe raised his eyebrow awkwardly and quickly moved onto Kristine. He skimmed over her, knowing her already and reached Tobi. "Hello sir. What is your name."

"Tobi!" Tobi said cheerfully, shaking the shit out of the man in their handshake.

"Why do you wear a mask, son?" Joe wondered.

I looked at Joe. "You ask personal questions, Joe. He has his reasons. Respect it and move on or do you want an awkward situation like the whole gender of Deidara and the truth behind Kakuzu's appearance."

Joe nodded hurriedly and moved onto Konan. "Hello my dear, what is your name."

"I am Konan." Konan replied smoothly.

He bowed his head and kissed her hand before moving onto Pein. Konan made a disgusted face when he had his back to her and wiped the kiss off on Pein's shirt. I snickered.

"I am Pein." Pein said calmly. His voice was full of the power and authority necessary to control a bunch of murderous criminals. He had every right and ability to be a god. Pein didn't even shake his hand. He merely gazed at Joe with his awesome Rinnegan.

"Pleasure to meet you." Joe said, his voice losing its cheerful tone. He was obviously intimidated by Pein and the threatening aura of the room was probably crushing him. He hurried to the door. "Enjoy the service."

"Can we leave?" I asked once the door shut. "My shoulder hurts like a bitch."

"I heard it pop." Sasori commented

Konan was in front of me in a second. "I can't fix it all right now, but I can make the pain die down a little bit." She put her hands over my shoulder and it popped back into place under her medical chakra.

"Thanks Konan." I told her. She smiled at me sweetly.

Zetsu came in through the floor in front of me. "Who was that man? **Can I eat him? He was annoying.**"

I sighed. "I actually wish you could, Zetsu."

"No way, I'm fucking sacrificing him first!" Hidan barked.

"Lower your voice please, Hidan." I told him. "And it's about to start, so listen if you want to."

The night went… differently.

I tuned out the guy speaking as the service began and focused on Hidan's muttered rants. He was going on and on about Jashin and the different ways he was going to slaughter everyone here. I joined him after a bit, seeking something to occupy me.

There were song books and bibles stacked on the center table and Hidan stole all of them, intending on burning them in the parking lot.

Idiot.

They were all snickering and looking really amused when everyone actually paying attention and getting involved in the service stood to sing from the song books.

And then there was passing around the bread and wine.

Let's just say that there was no wine in our glass after Hidan got a hold of it.

The bread was also gone.

Joe was very concerned about its location, but he couldn't pin it on the ninjas because he didn't see Deidara's hands eating the bread, nor did he see Hidan be all ninja and drink the wine in a single gulp when Joe blinked.

During the service, Hidan had to go to the bathroom, so Kakuzu and I escorted him. When we were on our way back, Hidan sneezed loudly, gaining everyone's attention. When he noticed they were all staring at him, he insulted everyone with a simple sentence.

"Sorry, I'm allergic to fucking bullshit." He growled.

I smacked my forehead and a few of the others could be heard laughing from the back room. I shook my head. "Carry on please. He can't control his impulses. He's a recovering meth addict and he just loses control sometimes. He's found his God and he's trying."

They all looked shocked. Erika was fighting laughter the entire time.

When it was finally all said and done, we were all so ready to leave that I didn't even stop Hidan from telling everyone off. I just patted his head and said a small: "Come boy", thoroughly amused by the appalled looks everyone supported.

I wouldn't be surprised if Hidan was reported.

But he's a ninja, he'll be alright.

He obeyed with a happy grin when I called him, eager to set bibles and song books on fire on Joe's car.

Jashin I love that zealot.

* * *

><p><em>Side note: No one in Kathryn's family is a Jehovah's Witness. My grandmother is one though, and because of that, I know how her churches are. Thus, why I used her religion. As such, I apologize to anyone who finds this offensive. It wasn't meant to be, and if you still want to bitch about it, go right ahead because I really don't care.<em>

_Anyways~_

_I less than three you guys and I hope you have a wonderful life/weekend/night/day. Keep an eye out on Monday for part three if you're at all interested._


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